All of the feels...

This is going to be an emotion-based blog post more than an adventure one, which I think is okay because it's been more than two months and I am not at all famous. I also think some of my regular readers have given up due to my lack of awesomeness and/or fame. (I'm looking at you, Shiri.)

So the reason for the emotion-based blog post is that I'm in one of those phases where I just decide everything is the most stressful thing ever. I used to be like this basically 24/7...in high school I joked that I was likely to die of a heart attack at age 40 because I took everything so seriously. I like to plan, and have a schedule (once, while in Ireland, a friend insisted I stop "cataloging," which is this thing I do while participating an activity I lay out what we'll be doing for the rest of the day: "At 3 we'll go get fish n'chips, then we'll go home and clean up, then we'll go out," etc.).

College helped me calm down a good bit (though the above example is from college) and recognize when I need to plan and be regimented and when I don't. It also actually helped me be slightly less stressed in college, I think, because part of my craziness is that I focus on efficiency. Especially during my junior and senior year, I made a big point of maximizing the time between classes as a chance to get reading done, outline papers, work on other homework, etc., especially vital when I had to spend a good portion of my free time devoting my life to the god that is Greek Life at my college.

But I still carry traces of these tendencies, and when my life doesn't abide, I feel like everything is the worst, even when it's basically the best. I've always been a worrier about the future...I can remember as a fifth grader, realizing that in four years I'd be graduating from eighth grade, and then it'd be only another four years until I graduated from high school, and then all the sudden I'd be 20, then 30, then so old! (This was literally the thought process I went through one night before bed. The next morning I told my dad something like, "Do you realize I will be 16 in only like, four years? That's so soon!" He did not understand where this panic was coming from, needless to say.)

So now I'm at this transient phase of life where I constantly feel like anything could change, and the only way to maintain sanity is to force everyone around me to abide by my plans and schedules and list.

(Weird confession: despite all this Type A stuff, I have never been one to keep a planner and I'm not particularly neat. The former is fine, I find I'm better able to adapt (efficiency!) with my system of ever-changing lists (plus making them was a good activity in English classes - I was not a note taker). But I'm very annoyed with the latter. If I'm going to drive myself crazy with stressing about planning, can't I at least be neat?)

The situation that is largely responsible for this state of constant stressed-outedness is my housing situation, which, as I explained to the always ready to listen to my crazy Hannah Muther last night, is actually totally fine. We finally, FINALLY, sorted out who was moving when and how we're going to handle the room-to-room transition, and we have a (sort-of) plan in place about getting the Internet bill transferred away from the girl moving out.

But it's still a big hassle, and if everyone just let me decide how everyone in my life should do everything, things would be a lot simpler. (Obviously a joke, generally. But I did recently have an acquaintance discuss how she was terrible at planning and logistics freak her out so she just doesn't deal with it. This acquaintance is relevant to the above source of stressed-outedness, and made me think I should pursue a career of dealing with that kind of stuff on behalf of others.)

The other piece of the constant stress is that I'm approaching the point where I'm seriously considering my post-Lynchburg plans, and it is tough stuff to deal with. That's fodder for another post, but it's the main contributor to my constant feeling of transience and general feelings of stress.

All that being said, last night I watched Wall-e and it was the best, and I felt a lot better for about 12 hours before I came into work and had to deal with all this work business that I'd rather not do. Let's all just be robots cleaning up the world and falling in love with other robots.

Sorry for the boring post. I'm going on a run tonight so maybe there'll be some adventure to recount.